In today’s day and age, it’s hard to find someone who doesn’t have at least a few influencers they keep up with. Whether they’re funny, relatable, taking cool trips, or share common interests, we get invested in their content and lives. 

It’s natural that when a creator posts multiple times per week, sometimes even multiple times per day, we feel connected with them. Even though we’ve never met them in person, we know a lot about their lives: what they’re up to, who they’re dating, who they hang out with, where they got dinner last Tuesday. Creators know they have an audience and willingly share parts of their lives with us.

Audience engagement is key to the success of being an influencer, and many of them enjoy interacting with their audiences. I’ve seen people like Ken Eurich exchange comments back and forth with people in the comments. Jake Shane even uses some of his funny comments as video ideas.

It’s easy to abuse the privilege and access we have into creators’ lives. When creators post about things like breakups, family/friend drama, and any other, I see a lot of people tend to focus on what they didn’t share rather than what they did. Comments like “why did you tell us this if you weren’t going to give us all the details” and “you posted your relationship online of course we’re going to want to know all about the breakup” insinuate that creators don’t deserve any privacy & audiences are owed every personal detail. 

We have to remember that we don’t actually know these people. When we act on the assumption that we know the full story, we aren’t giving our friends advice; we’re stirring up drama in strangers’ lives.

TikTokkers James and Bailey are great examples of this: they’ve been dating for a few years and post each other often. Even though their content doesn’t revolve around the relationship, people often comment on various aspects of it.

Starting fights with James in his Twitch chat while he’s streaming Minecraft because it’s “crazy to play video games with girls who aren’t your girlfriend” is not normal fan behavior. You, an internet person, doesn’t know (and shouldn’t need to know) that she’s his friend from middle school.

And in any case, why do fans of creators feel entitled to dictate how they should be living their lives and who they should be hanging out with?

Assuming you know everything about a relationship, a creator, or situation sets everyone up for failure. People online see short video clips and react as if a situation is black and white. In reality, most situations exist in a grey area and have way more context than the short clip that got posted.

It is possible to interact with creators while still showing them respect and allowing them to retain their privacy.

Next time you catch yourself forming opinions like “wow she should break up with him” just because he wasn’t smiling for the whole video, stop and T.H.I.N.K. (yes I am pulling up that classic elementary school acronym):

Is it… True: Do you know, without a doubt, that the comment you’re about to post is the actual factual situation unfolding?

Is it Helpful: Would the creator gain anything from your comment? Remember, you’re about to make an assumption about her life, not recommend a new restaurant.

Is it… Inspiring: Does it add something new and thoughtful to the comments? Is it something that would leave a positive impression on people?

Is it… Necessary: Did the creator ask for your opinion on her real life? Will the world go on as normal even if you keep your comment to yourself?

Is it… Kind: Did you consider how the creator might react to your comment? Are you putting someone in the video down to uplift someone else?

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