Chucky (Charles Lee Ray)

When you’d walk through the mall as a kid you’d feel your legs get weak as you drew closer to the Spencer's Gifts. You told your older cousins that now that you’re in middle school you’re not scared of Chucky anymore and they want to test your gangster by walking you past that display window that has his red haired, overalled self just staring. Your cousin stands with his hand on your back not allowing you to run. You think you might actually die in this outlet mall. When I was a child, few monsters scared me more than Chucky (and I will speak about them shortly.) Back then I would have ran as fast as I could. However, as an adult I would kick his miniature ass between the goal posts. Something I never understood was if he had the strength of a grown man or just doll strength. I’m handling that either way.

Paimon (Hereditary)

I'm going to play the racecard here. There are no significant black people in this movie so I’m going to assume that I wouldn’t have been involved in this situation. I would have been at the house party as one of the 7 black people in Utah watching the girl that is clearly too young to be here go into anaphylaxis as her brother rushes her out of the house. A couple weeks later I’d watch him slam his face into a desk and break his nose as I shook my head and dreamed of moving to Atlanta (big mistake.) 

The swedish village in Midsommer

My racecard has one (1) more charge on it. I have so many ways I would survive this situation

1. I simply would not go. A rural village in central Sweden that has 24 hours of sunlight? Doesn’t even sound like somewhere I’m supposed to be.
2. As soon as they jumped off that cliff I would have been calling my uber to take me to the airport.
3. This doesn’t even seem like a place that black people go to

Jaws

I don’t even play in the water like that. If I even think there’s something looking at me then I'm back on that boat or on the shore. I will go right back to the swimming pool and be happy.

Carrie

Poor Carrie is a victim. As a former (some would say current weird kid) Carrie and I would have been friends and I would have saved her if I knew that bucket was up there

Candy Man

Candy Man doesn’t even bother you if you keep his name out your mouth and that’s exactly what I plan to do.

Freddy Kruger

If I'm asleep then it's GGs but if I'm awake then I genuinely think I could put hands on him. You gotta think about it, Freddy isn’t that big, he doesn’t lift or do any kind of cardio, and he’s badly burned which has to affect your nerves and muscles. If I can find a way past his knife glove then I legitimately think I can put BTA on Freddy.

Jason Voorheese

I was not popular in high school so I simply would not be invited to the lake house with the cool kids. If I did find myself in that situation I’d rely on the fact that he’s not smart like the goat Micheal. I think I could genuinely get away from him but I may have to use a couple people as decoys or bait to increase my distance from him. And I hear the letterboxd army now. I KNOW Jason’s mom was the villain in the first movie. I’m not counting her because moms love me so she wouldn’t even want to kill me. That's an easy situation.

Pennywise (2017)

This one is about how much I know going into it. If I knew that he became weaker the less afraid you were then I would steel myself before facing him and be home within the hour. BUT if I was in the garage with the kids when the projector fell over and he came out the screen I would have died before he even turned his attention towards me.

Freddy Fazebear

I honestly missed the 5 nights craze BUT as a kid I was deathly afraid of the chuck e cheese animatronics. When my friends were running to the stage to get closer to the animals I was holding on tight to the nearest guardian as they looked like formerly sentient beings trapped in a deteriorating coil just waiting to be freed from their shackles to get their bloody revenge on every cheese stained finger child and every half dead parent. So there’s no way I would be signing up to be a security guard at one of these places. However, if I found myself in that situation I would carry an EMP that would disable them long enough for me to turn in my resignation letter.

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The Creeper (Jeepers Creepers)

There was NOTHING scarier than this monster when I was in elementary school. There is simply nothing I or you could do in this situation. As soon as I fell in that hole with the cut up people I would honestly weigh whether it would be best for me to just try to die before he comes back or if I could escape. But either way I’d know my days are numbered before I’m dinner for a fear feasting demon.

Cloverfield

It’s hard to get out of New York quickly on a normal day so it's GGs on this one.

The Exorcist - Pazuzu

This is another situation where I’d just consider killing myself before the monster got the chance to. Nothing but respect for this horror Icon

Micheal Meyers

Nothing but respect for this goat. No real trauma. Just killing for the love of the game. Mike is like 6’8. He could have been in the NBA or a WWE champion but he’s humble. Doesn’t need fame or glory just hitting the pavement and getting his bodies the hard way. Anyway I’m dead. I would run, shoot, and drive and as always he would tap into the speed force and catch me no matter what I do. I would just hope he doesn’t make an example out of me and just lets me go quickly.

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