Soooo, I volunteered for An Evening With John Waters at the amazing Byrd Theater last week. Me and Bettye were upstairs ushers, making sure no one put their feet and drinks on the railing. Easy job. But it was dark to see anyone's nasty feet anyway. Glad nobody reported the big gulp that fell on a man's head after the show. Not my problem.

Apart from this, I was pretty pumped for this supposedly legendary appearance. Then John Waters jumped on stage, did his little stand up comedy one man show for 2 hours and baby…I could not hear a single thing! He was just rambling a strange language. Probably the speakers, I thought. But everyone was laughing. What the hell. 

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After the show I came up to Bettye and sneakily asked what was your favorite part and she said I love it when he said Jesus is not coming, he's edging. And I was like oh that was a little funny…BUT STILL

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I wonder why the fuck does he take the Pope of Trash so literally? Why are you so obsessed with your past John? Go to therapy. Work that shit out. Have an exorcist or something. Then start living in the now and looking into the future. I wanna see John Waters in a Việt Tiến shirt (NOT Yohji Yamamoto!!!), sing Vietnamese folk songs, and only sing. No Catholics talk. Now that’s new. Now that’s cutting edge. Now that’s chic…

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Anyways, the show was supposed to be about “overthrowing authority with perverted humor and leading others to John Waters and his twisted crackpot religion and plotting and infiltrating and recruiting and celebrating a cesspool coup d'état and spontaneously combusting as he performs his rapid-fire comedy vermin-sermon and toppling and bottoming totalitarianism and taking the dick out of dictatorship to form an oral oligarchy that mutates morality and rips the rabid right AND left a new bonus hole. Power to the People who permanently positively pollute politics.” Or whatever idk.

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BYE!