1. didyoujustsaywig’s THINGS THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN RECENTLY section.

2. The Onion’s expert-backed information.

3. Riches’ breaking news.

4. Lea Michele’s illiteracy.

5. Millie Bobby Brown’s threat to run homosexuals over with her car.

6. Chappell Roan’s hatred for children.

Well, obviously I’d bet my life on all of them being untrue. But that’s the point. I can count on them being lies.

We’ve reached a point where nobody knows what is true anymore.

• Just 28% of Americans express a “great deal” or “fair amount” of trust in newspapers, television and radio to report the news fully, accurately and fairly.
• 3 in 4 Americans aren’t sure they can tell what’s true online anymore. 

We’ve gotten used to not having the truth.

But what about “blatant truth”? We might not even have that.

We have people like flat-earthers, among other theorists, constantly challenging things we wouldn’t even think to challenge. They come in with such conviction that it would be a lie (haha) to say we aren’t at least a little shaken. We spend time debating them and proving them wrong - which means, somewhere along the way, even the most obvious truth stopped being obvious enough to leave alone.

That’s the beauty of lying. There is a point that the lie can reach where we know it is what it is. And there is an unbelievable relief from that.

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So, here’s a quick guide to finding these beautiful blatant lies:

Step 1: Is it total bullshit?

Step 2: Is there absolutely no chance anyone believes this?

Step 3: Is anyone trying to get anything out of you except a laugh?

Step 4: Is everyone in on the laugh?

If you said yes to all four, congratulations, you’ve found yourself a little safe haven on the internet.

There’s something magical about feeling safe yet tickled at the same time. Suddenly, everyone is inspired, and everyone is a creative.

You’ll find the most genius headlines and visual ideas from the average internet Joes.

No offense, Millie, but you’ll always be the homo(phobic) icon in my heart.

As an industry, we are obsessed with shoving truths about our brands in people’s way. Yes we might exaggerate it, but god forbid there isn’t something true underneath.

Or we could just lie for a change. I would love to see Audible reveal that Lea Michele actually founded the company because she realized the worst thing about books was having to read them. (Don’t worry, she can’t read this either.)

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Eventually, brands will run out of truths to talk about. But never lies. The possibilities are infinite.

‍One day, you’ll see me lie - in my brief, in my presentation, in your face.