Gender reveal parties have gotten so ridiculously out of hand that announcing a baby's genitals has become a legitimate public safety concern.

And I wish I were exaggerating.

• 2026, Florida: A plane attempting a gender reveal ended up upside down in a field after an emergency landing. One passenger was injured.
• 2023, Mexico: A plane releasing pink smoke during a gender reveal lost a wing and crashed, killing the pilot.
• 2021, New York: An expectant father was killed while assembling an explosive device for his baby's gender reveal. His brother was injured.
• 2020, California: A gender reveal smoke device sparked the El Dorado Fire, burning over 22,000 acres and killing a firefighter.‍
• ‍2019, Iowa: A homemade explosive at a gender reveal killed a 56-year-old grandmother.

And these are just some of the incidents that made the news.

Somewhere along the way, cutting into a cake stopped being enough. Now people are renting planes, firing cannons, shooting explosive targets, setting off fireworks, and turning their backyards into what can only be described as low-budget military operations.

That's a lot of confidence for 2026, when gender isn't even as black and white as it used to be. Or pink and blue, apparently.

People are questioning the binary, rejecting labels, and defining gender on their own terms. Meanwhile, parents are throwing extravagant parties to announce the identity of someone who hasn't even said their first word.

Imagine making such a big announcement on behalf of someone who can't even speak yet.

And if the kid eventually comes out as nonbinary? Well, I hope someone kept the receipt for that helicopter.

Pregnancy is fascinating. You're literally growing an entire human being inside your body. A heart, a brain, tiny fingers and toes, all coming together from practically nothing.

And of all those miracles, the one that gets a fireworks display is their genitals.

Not their first heartbeat. Not their first kick. Not the fact that they're growing an entire nervous system.

Their genitals.

It seems to be more legit throwing a party for every other body part.

"IT'S TWO KIDNEYS!"

"THE BABY HAS A LIVER!"

"WE'RE HAVING A BABY WITH HEARTBEATS!"

Those sound like pretty good reasons to celebrate. And a good reason to be dissapointed if it goes south.

Why not throw a zodiac sign reveal? Finding out you're having a Scorpio sounds like a much more legitimate reason to cry. Or a music taste reveal? Is your baby a Swiftie or a Little Monster.

At least these would give the guests something to talk about besides the color of the smoke.

That's the real tragedy of gender reveal parties. Not just that people have died over them, but that we've somehow made the arrival of an entire human being all about one of the least interesting things about them.

Your baby is going to be a whole person, with a personality, opinions, and probably some terrible taste in music.