With women’s sports on the rise, it is time for us to seriously discuss a Women’s National Football League. Men have had a monopoly on the football market for way too long, and with soooo much football content on my feed this month, I’m sick of the hyper-masculine energy. So, let’s pretend that misogyny doesn’t exist (at least for one article) and design a fantasy football league for women only.

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Since we’re starting from scratch, we can make sure the WNFL has the things the NFL is missing. 

• True geographic divisions – Why are the Cowboys and Patriots in the same division? Nobody even knows.
• Unique color palettes – How many red, white, and blue teams does America really need?
• New cities – Literally spread the wealth.
• Female football players – Duh!

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Like the Men’s NFL, the Women’s NFL will have 32 teams split into two conferences: The AFC and the NFC. Team divisions will be truly geographic, as you can see from this map. Which will reduce carbon emissions for team and fan travel, and, as a bonus, eliminate jet lag for players ;)

When you think of femininity, what words come to mind? Soft? Delicate? Stereotypically, strength and aggressiveness are seen as masculine traits. This creates a challenge for developing WNFL team mascots. We want mascots that encourage fighting and winning, but we also want them to celebrate women.

When brainstorming, I identified three creative territories for names and mascots: History, Nature, and Mythology. 

1. History: female figures, occupations, and movements from history
   
   • Miner Families, Women’s Suffrage, Rosie Riveter, Maidens, Flappers, Dames, 925ers, Joan of Arc, Queens, Seneca Falls Convention, Jane Adams (revolutionary woman), Founding Mothers
2. Nature: animals, plants, and weather with female associations 
   
   • Snakes, Wildlings, Hyenas (matriarchal packs), Vixens (female fox), Tempests, Black Widows, Roses, Bees
3. Mythology: female myths, creatures, and stories
   
   •  Sirens, Nymphs, Mages, Harpies, Banshees, Valkyries, Witches, Furies, Goddess of Victory (Nike), Goddess of the Moon (Artemis), Amazon Warriors

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The West Coast Division 

• San Diego - The Snakes 
• Seattle - The Sirens
• Portland - The Nymphs
• Sacramento - The Minerettes

The South West Division

• San Antonio - The Vixens
• Austin - The Harpies
• El Paso - The Banshees
• Phoenix - The Lunar Tides

The Rocky Mountain Division

• Albuquerque - The Mages
• Salt Lake - The Wildlings
• Colorado Springs - The Etherals
• Las Vegas - The Hyenas

The Great Plains Division

• Oklahoma City - The Tempests
• St. Louis - The Black Widows
• Des Moines - The Suffragists
• Minneapolis - The Valkyries

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The Great Lakes Division

• Columbus - The Riveters
• Milwaukee - The Iron Maidens 
• Louisville - The Flappers
• Indianapolis - The Vipers

The South East Division

• Raleigh - The Dames
• Nashville - The 925ers
• Orlando - The Warriors
• Atlanta - The Guardians

The Mid Atlantic Division

• Richmond - The River Witches
• Washington DC - The Furies
• NYC - The Queens
• Baltimore - The Briars

The North East Division

• Buffalo - The Senecas
• Philadelphia - The Bees
• Boston - The Rebels
• Providence - The Victories

I’m not saying a WNFL would solve sexism. But I would rather watch a team of Valkyries tackle each other than listen to another man explain why Taylor Swift is ruining football. We have the 32 teams, so now all we need is a few billion dollars. Until then, I’ll be drafting my fantasy teams and probably not watching the NFL.

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